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Brought up Mar 4, 2010

Burt Reynolds is not dead and other death hoaxes

Burt Reynolds is not dead and other death hoaxes

That's right Burt Reynolds is alive. However, Mr. Reynolds has recently survived a quadruple bypass surgery and is now recovering in 24 hour care. There have been throngs of accusations that Burt passed on the evening of March 3, 2010, but reliable resources deny that claim.

Betty White is also among the living today. She apparently met her end on March 2, 2010. However, I can assure her fans that she too is alive and well. She will also be appearing on an upcoming Saturday Night Live to prove that she is in fact among the living.

Other celebrities who are also not dead but have been rumored to be include: Will Ferrell, John Goodman, Eminem, Susanne Shaw, Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears, Johnny Knoxville, Carl Lewis, Margaret Thatcher, Jon Heder, William Hung, Jonny Depp, Paris Hilton and of course Paul McCartney to name only a small few.

My all time favorite death hoax lies with Jeff Goldblum who has been killed via internet at least 3 separate occasions in his career. Jeff allegedly passed on in the late 70s, when Michal Jackson died and again in the same week that Jonny Depp didn’t die. When confronted with another recent death hoax on the The Colbert Report, Mr. Goldblum took the opportunity to perform his own eulogy saying:

“"No one will miss Jeff Goldblum more than me," he said. "He was not only a friend and a mentor, but he was also, um, me. Jeff Goldblum's performances combined the muscularity of Brando, the pathos of Streep and the musky sensuality of a pride of baboons. One former conquest raved that sleeping with Jeff Goldblum was like—quote—being caught in a flesh storm with a 90 percent chance of satisfaction—unquote. That's verbatim."

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bigoosh » 8 years ago

This made me giggle, thanks.